The regular season is over, but wouldn’t you know it, the SCDD still wants to bring the ‘burgh some entertainment!  Come to our open scrimmage on Thursday, September 9th.  All of the skaters will be SCDD ladies battling it out against each other.  Members of the Steel Hurtin’, B-Unit and Bombers, as well as our un-teamed skaters will be all mixed up and skating together in this rare occasion.  In addition, we have a new batch of fresh meat that are ready to make their scrimmage debut!!

The theme will be Team Lady Gaga vs. Team Prince.  Yes, ladies and gents, thats TWO massive glam-rockers for one low low price of $5!!  Which side are you on?  New school Lady Gaga and her outrageousness or old school Prince and his Purpleness?

When: Thursday, Sept 9.  Doors open at 8:45 pm

Where: Romp N Roll in Glenshaw

Cost: Only $5

See yinz there, sports fans!

Romp ‘n’ Roll in Glenshaw, PA opened its doors to the Steel City Derby Demons for one last regular-season doubleheader of bouts on August 21 as the Nashville Music City Rollergirls crossed the Mason-Dixon line for the weekend. Steel City responded with a pair of victories to close out a highly-successful season further establishing Pittsburgh’s skaters as some of the best the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association has to offer. The first bout went down to the final jam but the Blitzburgh Bombers pulled out a 54-46 comeback victory against the Music City Brawl Stars while the second bout’s results were less in question as Steel Hurtin’ took down the Music City All-Stars 182-69. In a month, the Steel Hurtin’ will head to the national stage of Eastern Regionals where they rank 5th, riding high from both this night’s and last week’s strong victories against similarly-ranked Central leagues (Nashville – 5th in South Central, Brew City Bruisers – 5th in North Central).

The Music City Brawl Stars came out strong against the Bombers in the opener. Dramatic Pyrony got them started right with a 5-0 powerjam while Cruisin B. Anthony sat out a low block penalty after being downed. Whip Lashes continued Nashville’s early control taking the lead up to 8-0. In the third jam, Moxie Crimefighter broke through for Blitzburgh’s first lead jammer and mimicked the Brawl Stars’ short controlled jams by laying 4 down before Dramatic Pyrony could score. Then the Tooth Fairy, making her Steel City debut along with Unsafe Tex and The Maestro, took to the jam line. The Lilliputian skater won lead jam ahead of Nashville blocker Hildabeast before the much larger blocker forced her back into the pack. Attaxl Rose and Vicious Virus, however, led a waterfalling defense on Jersey Jackhammer to keep her off the board and Tooth Fairy managed 2 points to bring the score up to 8-6 Music City. The score remained the same until Dramatic Pyrony laid a good block on Mission Impassible to free Whip Lashes for lead jammer but she soon headed to the box for an elbow. Seeking to capitalize, Moxie Crimefighter matched Whip Lashes’ 4 points during the powerjam but soon was sent to the box herself for cutting the track. The midway mark closed at 12-10 Nashville as The Maestro keystoned a strong back-wall defense.

Dramatic Pyrony racked up a very tough grand slam with multiple hard licks from Madame Abagael and an unintended one from Hissy Fit on her way to the Blitzburgh penalty box. Before she could score more, however, Mission Impassible fired in from the box and swiftly snuck through the pack as Nashville was caught unaware the powerjam had ended. With the score 19-10, Pinky Dontchadare-o laid a big block to free Moxie Crimefighter for another 4 points, the masked marauder accounting for 86% of Blitzburgh’s first half scoring. Meanwhile Music City’s Mackin was finally able to take out pivot Attaxl Rose who had been wrecking shop in virtually every jam she skated, but as she went to the box for the illegal block, managed to inadvertently upend the taller Steel City skater again on her next time around. The halftime whistle sounded with the score 3 touchdowns to 2, Nashville, 21-14.

The second half began with more great defense by the Music City Brawl Stars. Captain Suzy Ho’maker drove Cruisin B Anthony out with a strong hit, but the former Ithaca SufferJet caught up so swiftly, Dramatic Pyrony could not increase their lead. Then, Nashville got the breakout jam they needed with great defense by Hildabeast and a bout-high 9 points from the swift-skating Whip Lashes. In what had been a very tight race, Nashville looked to have breathing room with the doubled-up 30-15 score. Attaxl Rose laid a great hit on debuting Nashville jammer Nix & Bruises and the score remained the same until Cruisin B Anthony toed the jam line alongside Whip Lashes. Putting a great move around Suzy Ho’maker, Cruisin B Anthony grabbed lead jammer and with truly inspired skating, racked up a triple grand-slam against a full pack, while Dakota Slamming and The Maestro led a shutout of Whip Lashes. Suddenly, it was a tie game. Mean Burrito continued the momentum shift for Blitzburgh, fighting through the inside to score 4 more but then went to the box and Dramatic Pyrony answered with a 10-point powerjam. With only 10 minutes to go, Nashville had reasserted a 40-34 lead.

Nix & Bruises dodged a big hit from Attaxl Rose to increase the Nashville lead by 2. Dakota Slamming answered with a point while Jersey Jackhammer found herself stuck behind a Pittsburgh wall until busted through by Trisha Torment. The agile Whip Lashes dashed through a big hole on the inside created by her blocker Hildabeast and matched Moxie Crimefighter for 4 points each. Then, Cruisin B Anthony returned to the jam line. After a frustrating attempt to break past Attaxl Rose, Mission Impassible, and Mean Burrito, Dramatic Pyrony shifted gears to lay some good jammer-on-jammer defense on Cruisin B Anthony at the back of the pack, but a one-legged scoot freed the Blitzburgh jammer to almost tie the game again and it was 46-45. The speedy Moxie Crimefighter scooted to the outside on the next jam to tie it with three minutes to go. Hildabeast laid a massive hit on Cruisin B Anthony in the next scoreless jam, but her team was unable to score, either, and the dominating Nashville blocker was called for a penalty along with Suzy Ho’maker just as the jam ended. With a minute-and-a-half to go and a short-handed pack for the Brawl Stars, Dakota Slamming raced through for 8 points and the ultimate victory for the Blitzburgh Bombers: 54-46.

Continuing the defense-focused games of their sisters-in-arms, Steel Hurtin’ and the Music City All-Stars began their bout with more pack control and low scoring. Pittsburgh’s Ally McKill and Nashville’s E-Money (E-$$) led the good defense at the start and after two jams the score was 2-1 Nashville. ‘Snot Rocket Science played some good Steel City jammer-on-jammer defense against Britches N’ Hose. As the Nashville pack slid back to their jammer’s aid, ‘Snot Rocket Science shook off a big hit by Luscious Loosie to speed for lead jammer. Friction Vixxxen, making her Steel City debut after transferring from Austin and Denver, kept Britches N’ Hose under control while ‘Snot Rocket Science’s 4 points captured a 5-2 lead for Steel Hurtin’. The mighty Showstopper for Nashville kept The Crippler under control long enough for Rambo Sambo to tie the game at 5. Hurricane Heather, using her speed to escape the relentlessly hard-hitting Nashville blocker Union Jack-U-Up, finally cracked things open for a pair of grand slams against a full pack with help from a Bonecrusher hip-whip. The 18-5 Steel Hurtin’ lead would never be reduced or relinquished. Britches N’ Hose continued some great, clean defensive work on The Shocker but the blonde pony-tailed speedster was eventually able to add 7 more to the lead. Around the 10-minute mark, penalties began to play a part, and Rambo Sambo won a 3-1 jam despite Damage Dahl and Friction Vixxxen playing great 2-blocker pack defense. Britches N’ Hose sought to continue the momentum change, whipping Susan ahead for lead jammer but a back block opened up the first powerjam opportunity of the bout for Hurricane Heather. The dreadlocked speedster responded by putting big moves on Showstopper and Britches N’ Hose and leapt over a Union Jack-U-Up block for 15 points. Midway through the first half, Steel Hurtin’ had a 39-10 lead.

With what would essentially be a tie game without the two breakout jams by Hurricane Heather, good defense by both teams continued to dominate the second quarter. Bonecrusher controlled the front of the pack while Dresta Kill laid hit after big hit on Susan. Cheeseburger managed to avoid the bird-dogging Four-Leaf Roller to rack up 4, pinballing through the pack. Keeping their blockers in the back, Steel Hurtin’ blockers managed to shut out Nashville 7 of 9 jams in a row as WhipSmart!, Friction Vixxxen, Bonecrusher, and Dresta Kill made life miserable for Nashville jammers Rambo Sambo, Maulin Monroe, and Susan. The Shocker shot through a surprisingly open middle of the pack for 12 as the half headed for a close. In the final jam of the half, Slayla put a good hit on ‘Snot Rocket Science who then went to the box for a back block. Hoping to get some momentum before the break, Maulin Monroe scored 3 on the powerjam but a big hit by Dresta Kill caused her to cut the track and ‘Snot Rocket Science, thus freed, knew what to do in a loose no-pack situation and struck for 8 to bring the halftime score to 75-20 Steel Hurtin’ as Nashville’s Lady Fury had her knee examined by the medical staff.

Steel City coach BArf brought a different strategy to the second half, opening things up for longer and higher-scoring jams for both teams. WhipSmart! whipped ‘Snot Rocket Science for a 16-point jam to begin the half while Rambo Sambo answered with 8. Then Dresta Kill led a goat-pen trap as Hurricane Heather again doubled up Rambo Sambo, 8-4. The Crippler put a great move on the inside to rack up 4 to bring Steel Hurtin’ almost to the century mark, 99-32. In a photo finish for lead jammer, Damage Dahl was able to slow down Susan just enough to win it for ‘Snot Rocket Science, but when the Steel Hurtin’ jammer was called for cutting, Susan struck for a 10-point powerjam. Rambo Sambo hoped to continue the powerjam scoring but great waterfalling defense by Ally McKill, Athena, WhipSmart! and the ubiquitous Dresta Kill kept her off the scoreboard and ‘Snot Rocket Science was able to grab both lead jammer and 4 points despite starting in the box. Four-Leaf Roller continued to be a defensive standout for Nashville but her jammers could not seem to break through as Steel Hurtin’ blockers, featuring great work by Friction Vixxxen and Bonecrusher, began a 15-jam series shutting out Nashville in all but 2 line changes. Hurricane Heather, too fast for the tiring All-Stars, and The Crippler, dodging blocks left and right, hammered home 9 and 4, respectively. As the midpoint of the half crested, ‘Snot Rocket Science lost a minute off the track due to an equipment malfunction but still was able to earn lead jam and 3 points on her return. With 15 minutes remaining, the gap was opened up to 127-46.

E-$$ controlled Cheeseburger as the Pittsburgh veteran jammer tried to find an opening, but all she found was a massive hit by Showstopper. Cheeseburger sustained a knee injury herself on the sidelines and exited the game. Showstopper looked to play an encore against Hurricane Heather with good defense until Dresta Kill unceremoniously dumped her with a massive booty block. Hurricane Heather tallied 9 points as Union Jack-U-Up avenged her fallen teammate and sent WhipSmart! to the floor. Again and again, Nashville’s lead jammers found themselves calling off their opportunites before they could be outscored by the accelerating Pittsburgh jammers like The Shocker, who acrobatically leapt past a 3-blocker wall and then dodged a big hit by Britches N’ Hose. As time wound down, and more and more tired out Nashville skaters rested in the penalty box, ‘Snot Rocket Science ole’d Showstopper for a 24-0 jam and Steel Hurtin’ had a huge 180-49 lead. On the final jam, concentration slipped a bit for Steel City and a miscommunication with the bench caused ‘Snot Rocket Science to attempt to call off despite not having lead jammer. Maulin Monroe, with a powerjam and a full two minutes to play with, almost doubled her team’s second half scoring with 20 points. Then, despite ‘Snot Rocket Science only making one turn around the track before leaving for another penalty, all things must end and the final score closed at 182-69 Steel City.

The Steel Hurtin’ also played a hard-hitting and difficult match with some of the fastest packs we have seen at home all season.  The Nashville All-Stars came out swinging hard and fast but unfortunately seemed to blow their endurance in the first half.  After that, the Steel Hurtin’ made quick work of widening the point gap and clinching another win with a final score of Steel Hurtin’ 182, Nashville All-Stars 69.

Click here to check out the full bout recap play-by-play by Michael Fright’d!

Thanks to all the fans who came out last night, and who have come out all season.  We can’t play derby without you.  Also don’t forget that even though the home season is over for 2010, it’s not the end of derby for the year.  We will be hosting several public scrimmages this fall, the first being on Thursday, Sept 9th.  The theme is Lady Gaga vs. Prince.

Also mark your calendars for Sunday, October 10th for our Halloween costume skating party fundraiser at Romp N Roll.

The next stop for the Steel Hurtin’ is Eastern Regionals in Westchester, NY where they are seeded 5th and face off against the Charm City Roller GIrls (Baltimore, MD) in the first round.

It was hot, humid, and sticky last Saturday night in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  However, that did not deter the ladies of the Steel Hurtin’ and the B-Unit from pulling out two wins against the Brew City All-Stars and Battlestars.  Both teams got off to early leads and wouldn’t let them up thruought the duration of the games.  The B-Unit’s last game for the 2010 season happily ended on a victorious note.

Final scores:

B Unit: 195,  Battlestars: 124

Hurtin’: 172, Brew City All Stars: 45

The Steel Hurtin’ will still play Nashville next weekend in the final home game of the season so don’t forget to get your tickets!  This will also be the final 2010 game for Blitzburgh Bombers.

After regular season ends, The Steel Hurtin’ will be off to Westchester, NY, to compete in WFTDA Regionals where their first bout will be against Charm City (Baltimore).

August 21 is going to be the last SCDD home bout of the season.  We’re hoping that our fans will join us in showing their support by wearing a gold/yellow colored shirt to our last hurrah of 2010!  The SCDD has had a great season and we love and thrive on our fans support!

However even though this is the last bout of the year, there will still be a few chances left to get your derby fix.  Public scrimmages in the fall, as well as a skating party at Romp n’ Roll are also on the way.

The Steel City Derby Demons are revving up to bring you an weekend of fun, fundraising, derby, and mayhem!

The events kick off on Friday, July 23 with the showing of “Brutal Beauty,” –a roller derby documentary– at the Oaks Theater in Oakmont.  Admission price is $7

Bring your dancin’ shoes on Saturday, July 24 because we are having a Dance-off party at 9 pm at the Rex Theater in the South Side.  Dance categories include solo, couples, groups, and pyamids.  Admission price is $7

Then on Sunday, July 25, theres hot derby action at our third annual scrimmage fest and picnic.  This will be from 2 pm – 6 pm at the deck rink in South Park.   You must have WFTDA or USARS insurance to skate with us!  If you are ineligable to skate, come to watch the derby action, bring a dish and join in on the picnic!!  Admission price is $5.

Sunday Scrimmage Fest and Picnic Map Directions

View Steel City Derby Demons Scrimmage Fest 2010 in a larger map

Hope to see you all there!

Philadelphia, the fourth-ranked league in the nation, along with a large contingent of dedicated fans rode the Pennsylvania Turnpike west to take on the Steel City Derby Demons on July 17th at Glenshaw’s Romp ‘n’ Roll. On a blazingly hot day, the Independence Dolls soundly defeated the heretofore unbeaten B-Unit 142-28 and the Liberty Belles defeated the Steel Hurtin’ 161-63 in a bout more evenly-matched than indicated by the final score. Underdogs in both bouts, the Pittsburgh squads showed remarkable resilience and heart despite the long odds.

The B-Unit went into the first bout of the night against the red-liveried Independence Dolls with plenty of experience in one-sided matches. Unfortunately on this night, they’d have to taste how it felt on the other side. The larger and faster Dolls asserted themselves early and never relinquished momentum until the end. The B-Unit jammers could not escape the initial crimson walls of Mary That Motha OH GOD!, Rollanya Asse, and Copper Top. Meanwhile Doll Jammers Annie Christ and P.M.S. showed a complete game of speedy scoring and strong blocking as well and the score was quickly 22-0. Despite Philly’s Antidote all up in her business at the jam line, Fannie Mayhem broke the shutout with 6 points. Unfortunately that would be 75% of the team’s scoring for the half. With Copper Top knocking B-Unit all over the place, Rollanya Asse personifying a nightmare for the usually top-scoring McShovin, and the very speedy Annie Christ and Alessa Evil shooting through the pack, a 35-6 Independence Dolls lead midway through the half seemed insurmountable.

The B-Unit defense reasserted itself with Tower O Terror launching Velvet Assassin to take out Leggs Benedict and keep her off the scoreboard. But jammer P.M.S. took out her opposite number, Death Cake for Cutie, and gave the visiting Philadelphians a victory dance. These very knowledgeable and extremely vocal Philly fans brought a competitive intensity that hasn’t been seen at Romp ‘n’ Roll this season. Their schadenfreude toward the overmatched B-Unit was a jarring contrast to the usual camaraderie found at Derby Demon bouts. They had plenty to jeer at, as Antidote shot past pivot Busty Brawler caught looking over the wrong shoulder, Rollanya Asse laid multiple big hits on McShovin, and Wendy Whiplash closed out the half scoring 24 points on a 3-woman advantage to bring the score to 86-8.

The second half continued with total pack control by the Independence Dolls. Each jam featured a relentless series of bumps causing the B-Unit jammers to always be catching up, and never getting much momentum. It always seemed like a bird-dogging blocker was just ahead waiting for them to make a move. Copper Top and Feisty Psyche laid good hits left and right. P.M.S. took out both Busty Brawler and her own jammer, Shannanigan, but the scarlet star was quicker to her skates and still captured lead jam and 5 points. Annie Christ tripped up Death Cake for Cutie in the next jam and Feisty Psyche knocked through another 9. With Velvet Assassin trapped in the back, StingRay built up a head of steam for a double grand slam. Then with three of B-Unit in the box, Annie Christ sacrificed her body to trip up the remaining 2-woman wall of Mission Impassible and Busty Brawler from behind to free LaiYa Out Ali for a double grand slam of her own. With 10 minutes to go, the score was 121-8.

The last quarter of the bout, the B-Unit was finally able to make some adjustments. With lots of penalties on both sides, McShovin, Fannie Mayhem, and Death Cake for Cutie capitalized on powerjams to score 4, 5, and 4, respectively. The svelte Death Cake for Cutie, visibly relieved, skated her familiar long-lean around the turns. The final jam of the bout featured an inspired McShovin speeding through the pack as her nemesis Rollanya Asse was taken out on a big hit by Tower O Terror. McShovin’s 7 completed a 20-6 run by B-Unit as time expired with the final: Independence Dolls 142, B-Unit 28.

The blue-clad Liberty Belles pealed out a claxon the moment the music between bouts ended. “We are… Phil-ly!” sounded thrice in the sudden silence and moments afterward their skaters would capture the audience’s attention just as clearly. Philadelphia established early that their front wall, led by Sunshine Skate and Shenita Stretcher, was going to control the pace of the bout. They shut out the first three Steel Hurtin’ jammers ‘Snot Rocket Science, the Shocker, and Cheeseburger in succession while their own jammers Mo Pain, Ginger Vitis, and Persephone speedily captured leads and took a 19-0 lead. The Crippler put a great move on Castro to become Steel Hurtin’s first lead jammer but an ill-timed skate malfunction blew the scoring opportunity.

‘Snot Rocket Science, skating like she had decided to take the team on her back, burst around the wall on the outside and then hopped over a block to score 10 points and halve the gap while Philly’s Ivana Rock had her own equipment issues. At this point the game started to get rough with two to four skaters seemingly in the box jam after jam. Cheeseburger struck for 8 in the looser packs but Shenita Stretcher tallied 18. The Liberty Belles were able to kill off powerjams with speed and shorthanded walls holding back Steel Hurtin’ jammers while Steel Hurtin’ countered by following Athena’s lead, pulling back to slow down skaters returning in-bounds. As the fifteen-minute mark passed the score was 47-18 Philadelphia.

The Shocker, scoring 9 on a powerjam, mistakenly tried to call it off as the speedy Persephone reentered, and her penalty set up Persephone for a powerjam in return. The blazing Liberty Belle capitalized by racking up 19 points through a wide split pack. To add injury to insult, upon Shocker’s return, she got banged near the throat by a teammate and struggled on the floor for a time to regain her breath. She would not return until midway through the second half.

With the score 67-27, Cheeseburger rolled off a blow by rival jammer Gloria Grindem to speed down the inside and grab lead but again was stymied by the Philadelphia wall and had to call it off after only scoring a point. In another long and eventful jam, Shenita Stretcher split the front to capture lead while Sunshine Skate and Olivia Face kept ‘Snot Rocket Science entrenched in the middle of the pack. Castro, flying back in after retying some laces, nailed the nimble Pittsburgh jammer hard, hard enough to go to the box. The jam ended with Shenita Stretcher joining her, setting Pittsburgh up for a much-needed powerjam.

Again, fate worked against the Steel Hurtin’. The Crippler found herself driven at least fifteen feet out of play which, while allowing her to reenter without a cutting penalty, denied her lead jammer. So when Shenita Stretcher came out of the box, the jam was called with no damage done to Philadelphia’s lead. The lightning-fast Persephone blew through the backing-up defense to score 15 on a powerjam and ‘Snot Rocket Science followed with 8 on a powerjam of her own and the halftime score sat at 86-36 in favor of the Liberty Belles.

Steel Hurtin’ coaches BArf and Temporary Sanity unveiled a new strategy for the second half focused on brief jams. ‘Snot Rocket Science won two quick ones, skating the tightrope of the sidelines and putting a good move on Ivana Rock before getting blown out like a candle by birthday girl Heavy Flo. The gap closed to 46 points. Sacrificing penalties for big hits, the Philly blockers cleared a path for Summer Assault to score four and get the lead back to 50. While the Philly pack focused their attention on working Athena over, her co-captain Bonecrusher laid out Euro Thrash to spring Cheeseburger for 9. Then, despite Heavy Flo riding her turn after turn, ‘Snot Rocket Science scored a few more to narrow the lead to 94-53.

The blue-clad Liberty Belles reasserted their pack control for three jams, led by a triple take-out by Heavy Flo, and jammers Teflon Donna, Persephone and Shenita Stretcher stretched the lead back to 111-57. Bonecrusher’s big hitting freed ‘Snot Rocket Science to score 4 more but, despite having multiple skaters serving penalties, the shorthanded 2-woman walls of Philadelphia kept the rest of the jammers in check. Persephone racked up another 8 and with 15 minutes to go, the score was 119-61.

With both packs skating at breakneck speed, Shenita Stretcher took advantage of a great trap of Dresta Kill by Gloria Grindem, Sunshine Skate, and Heavy Flo to score a big 9. As Teflon Donna headed to the box after a huge back block, ‘Snot Rocket Science again shot through the pack with a head of steam looking to make a last desperate attempt to narrow the lead when a referee misinterpreted her arm movement as calling off the jam. This last bit of bad luck broke the team’s back as her two points would be the last Steel Hurtin’ would score this night.

Philadelphia’s speed killed off the penalty as the new jam started and a cut by Cheeseburger, unable to stop herself after a good hit to the inside, set up Teflon Donna to score 15 on her own powerjam. There was virtually no scoring again until Mo Pain racked up 9 on the final jam after time had expired bringing the final to 161-63. Despite the 98-point final difference, the bout was highly contested and incredibly tense and exciting. Skating without both one of their best jammers, Hurricane Heather, and one of their best pivots, La Diabla, the Steel Hurtin’ again showed marked improvement against one of the top teams in the country. For their part, Philadelphia showed off the speed, the awareness, the strength, and the experience that has brought them so much success. Tonight, they earned the state championship.

It was an exciting but ultimately disappointing night for the Steel City as we hosted the Philadelphia Roller Girls last night.  Currently ranked fourth in the nation, (compared with Steel City’s own ranking of sixteenth) Philadelphia’s experience was ultimately the lynch pin in a double defeat of both the B-Unit and Steel Hurtin’.  Thanks for coming to the bout!

Also, congratulations to the winners of our fundraiser to get to Milwaukee, J. W. Edgar and Amy Miller!

Final scores:

B-Unit 28, Independence Dolls 142

Steel Hurtin 63, Liberty Belles 161

Click here to read a full recap of both bouts from Michael Frightn’d.

See you all next weekend at our Three Rivers Derby Fest fundraiser.

Last night was another amazing evening for roller derby in the steel city.  The Blitzburgh Bombers lived up to their name and performed a blitz assault on the NEO Rock and Roller Girls Audio Assault of Akron, OH.  Similarly, the Steel Hurtin’ was able to beat the girls from the Burning River Roller Girls of Cleveland, OH in an incredibly fast paced and heated rematch.

Final scores:

Blitzburgh Bombers 195; NEO 35

Steel Hurtin’ 225; Burning River 62

CLICK HERE to read the a full run-down of all of the exciting action written by our own awesome bout recap writer, Michael Frightn’d.

The Pittsburgh-Cleveland sports rivalry is generally overstated. In football, it’s more of an acceptance of one-sided bullying by the Steelers over the Browns than a true competitive rivalry. In other major professional sports, either one city or the other doesn’t even have a team or they’re in different leagues and rarely play one another in any games at all, much less of significance. Further debunking the concept, the Burning River All-Stars and NEO’s (North-East Ohio) Audio Assault crossed the state line to Glenshaw, PA on June 19th to challenge the Steel Hurtin’ and Blitzburgh Bombers in two bouts exhibiting some of the most genuine warmth, friendliness, and mutually respectful sportsmanship one could ever see at a competition. While the final scores, 195-35 Blitzburgh and 225-62 Steel Hurtin’, were ultimately lopsided in favor of Pittsburgh, the Ohio teams never lost their good spirit. It’s time to bury the “heated rivalry” cliche.

Another packed house of black-clad derby fans braved a torrential rainstorm to welcome back a short-handed Blitzburgh Bombers team recently returned from a loss in Buffalo. Five skaters from B-Unit filled out the roster along with the premiere of Steel City skater Cruisin’ B. Anthony, who toed the line as Blitzburgh’s first jammer versus Rosa Mariposa from NEO’s Audio Assault. The rookie struck for a triple grand-slam while teammate Attaxl Rose put the clamps down on Rosa Mariposa. Blitzburgh jammers McShovin and Death Cake for Cutie followed with powerjams of 13 and 19, respectfully, speeding virtually contact-free through a NEO pack that tried to keep the pace slow. C.C. DeKill kept up the defensive control by Blitzburgh while Miss Ill lived up to her name by launching herself at NEO skaters for crushing hits. Halfway through the first half the score was 55-3 Blitzburgh.

Monty Pipe Bomb captured the first lead jam for NEO, with a nifty move to dodge Vicious Virus to cap a grand slam. But the NEO strategy of using slow packs at a distance behind the Blitzburgh line did not work as McShovin, Cruisin’ B. Anthony, Elsie Thudd, and Dakota Slamming all tallied double-digit jams, many lasting the full two minutes. The agile Blitzburgh star-bearers had little problem with the static phalanx of blockers while the Ohio scorers found themselves tangled in the strong Blitzburgh defense which included a mighty double take-out by C.C. DeKill. In the final jam of the half, which was only the tenth, Monty Pipe Bomb had to crawl off the track and seek medical assistance for an apparent leg injury after scoring 4 points to bring the halftime score to Blitzburgh 113, NEO 13.

The second half saw Monty Pipe Bomb return, none the worse for wear, while the masked jammer, Moxie Crimefighter continued the Blitzburgh domination, scoring 14 points despite taking a big hit from BF Goodbytch. Attaxl Rose kept up great defense, successfully taking on two or three NEO blockers at a time and freeing Cruisin’ B. Anthony for another big score of 19 points. NEO’s Vanity Scare had an excellent last-ditch block of Death Cake for Cutie, but the swift Blitzburgh jammer recovered to continue a streak of twelve straight wins of lead jammer. The half reached the ten-minute mark with the score 158-18.

McShovin then followed big blocks by Miss Ill to skate for a 16 so quickly her referee had a hard time keeping up with her, bringing the lead to 150 points as Hurt So Good scored 6 for NEO’s highest point jam. The NEO defense had a good final quarter. SinMon-Sugah lost the capture of lead jam to Death Cake for Cutie by an eyelash but took out her taller rival to keep Blitzburgh off the board. Cross Bone Cutie and Bouncing Betty also forced premature endings to Blitzburgh jams with big hits while Rosa Mariposa avoided a massive pileup to take lead jammer and score 4. Outscoring Blitzburgh 7-6 over four jams, the streak came to an end as Dakota Slamming powerjammed to a triple grand-slam. In the final jam of the bout, Hurt So Good forced a cut for C.C. DeKill and Monty Pipe Bomb scored 4 to make the final Blitzburgh 195, NEO 35.

In the second bout of the night, Steel Hurtin’, returning from a victorious trip to Houston, and the Burning River Roller Girls skated at a chaotically fast pace in sharp contrast to the earlier bout. The early jams were quick with controlled scoring except for a series of powerjams. Hurricane Heather for Steel Hurtin’ and Take-Out for Burning River traded penalty trips twice with the end result of Heather scoring 10 and 18 before Burning River could get on the board thanks to the usual good defense of Athena and Ally McKill. “It may be thunder and lightning outside,” quipped announcer Buddy Lee, “but it’s all Hurricane in here.” With the early score 35-3, Pittsburgh, Punkd Pixie began a powerjam to try to close the gap, but Steel Hurtin’ blockers Damage Dahl, J-Bomb, WhipSmart! and Helen Fire shut her down completely until Burning River employed NEO’s zone-spreading strategy to free Punkd Pixie on the 20-foot rule. Her 9 points brought the Steel Hurtin’ lead down to 23, which was the closest Burning River would get this night. Steel Hurtin’ rattled off some brief successful jams and the score sat at 52-13 at the 15-minute mark.

Defense stayed solid and consistent for Steel Hurtin’ for the rest of the half and was at times spectacular. J-Bomb, using a low, strong push to the inside took out two larger Burning River blockers, Dagney Taghurt and Ivanna Destroya, at once. Athena continued to be a jammer’s worst nightmare, keeping Professor Booty from getting through the pack, and then taking her out along with CoCo Sparx in one big block. Cheeseburger took advantage of Athena’s domination to score a double grand-slam and as the half wound down, the Steel Hurtin’ scoring surged. Hurricane Heather sped through wide lanes created by J-Bomb, Ally McKill, and Girl Rolla Warfare to score 21 while the Crippler took advantage of two penalties by opposing jammer CoCo Sparx to score 18. Kat Von Destroya skated through a Burning River pack lightened by 20-foot penalties for 14 and in the final jam of the half, Damage Dahl set up a good hit by WhipSmart! forcing Burning River jammer Take-Out to cut the track. Cheeseburger enjoyed that powerjam to the tune of 19 points, bringing the first half to a close at 141-20 Steel Hurtin’.

The second half began with some big hits. A flying CoCo Sparx drove Girl Rolla Warfare way out of bounds. In answer, Bonecrusher took out Take-Out spectacularly as she tried to make her first pass through the pack. Burning River changed up their strategy and attempted several times to free-up their jammers by letting the Steel Hurtin’ four-wide line slip ahead further than 20 feet from them. Coach BArf responded by splitting the Pittsburgh blockers into two in front and two behind the Cleveland pack. Still, the pace change seemed to be benefitting Burning River as they outscored Steel Hurtin’ 17-16 over the first 7 jams of the half. In a great jam, Steel Hurtin’ jammer ‘Snot Rocket Science withstood a good hit from Morbid Cherub to deke past Ivanna Destroya to capture lead jam while her counterpart CoCo Sparx shook off hits by Ally McKill and Girl Rolla Warfare. But another big block by Bonecrusher sent Soul Eater spinning and Steel Hurtin’ came out 14 points ahead. As the fifteen-minute mark passed, a back block major by the Killustrator gave Kat Von Destroya another powerjam which she cashed in for another 14. With three-quarters of the bout done, the score was 189-37.

Skating in slower and sometimes stopped packs, CoCo Sparx blocked with reckless abandon, but she and her teammates could not solve the Steel Hurtin’ defense, going seven jams without scoring. Meanwhile the Pittsburgh jammers kept up a controlled steady pace of 4- and 5-point jams. The blue-clad Burning River Girls used good trapping defense on Girl Rolla Warfare and WhipSmart! to finally free CoCo Sparx to score a double grand-slam. Unfortunately in the same jam, Hurricane Heather just blew through the slow packs for 15. Not discouraged at all by an impossible gap to close, the Killustrator captured lead jammer with a good move around Damage Dahl, blowing kisses to the visiting Cleveland fans as time ticked down. So it was with a smile and a victory lap for both teams that the bout came to a final conclusion of 225-62.