by Michael Frighten’d
The Rideau Valley Roller Girls (Ottawa, ONT) and Eerie Roller Girls (Erie, PA) made the trip south to Glenshaw, PA to take on B-Unit and the Blitzburgh Bombers, respectively, on Saturday, May 21, 2011. The first rain-free day in seemingly months (or perhaps The Rapture) may have led to a smaller-than-average home crowd at Romp ‘n’ Roll but those “left behind” enjoyed a couple hard-fought but ultimately lopsided battles. The Rideau Valley Vixens used great blocking to defeat B-Unit 212-71 in a very physical bout. The second match saw Steel City get revenge as the Bombers’ team speed and experience handed Eerie the 237-26 loss in this, their debut bout.
Last season, the B-Unit defeated Rideau Valley in a tight, back-and-forth bout. This season, it was a different story as the Vixens from Ottawa brought a dominating mid-pack wall that seamlessly switched from defense to offense for sixty hard-hitting minutes. In the first jam of the bout, B-Unit jammer McShovin found herself hitting that wall and heading to the box as Ripper A. Part tore around the track for 19 unanswered points as the wall stayed virtually still. In the second jam, Fannie Mayhem fought through for lead jammer but only managed a point for B-Unit before meeting up with a punishing block from Surgical Strike ending the jam. The Vixens’ wall struck again on the following jam, goating Miss Ill and EradiKate in turn while D.D.T. took advantage of another powerjam to run the score up to 27-1. With the lead threatening to get out of hand early, B-Unit’s Velvet Assassin forced a track cut by Soul Rekker and Fannie Mayhem scored 9 in the resulting powerjam. Death Cake for Cutie amazingly kept her balance on one leg as she slipped through the front wall for lead in the next jam and brought B-Unit up to 34-17 as Miss Ill played good defense on D.D.T. Two jams later, the big-hitting Surgical Strike went down with a knee injury laying a block during a set play on the first whistle. Fannie Mayhem attacked the short-handed pack for 14 points as EradiKate, Busty Brawler, Velvet Assassin, and Miss Ill employed their own trap on ASSASSINista’s return from the penalty box. As midpoint of the first half passed, the B-Unit had fought back to a 38-31 score.
Unfortunately, that’s where the scoring stopped for almost 10 minutes. Rideau Valley’s captain Semi Precious put on an absolute clinic of booty blocking, time and again sending B-Unit’s jammers to the floor. Joined by her teammates ASSASSINista and Slavic Slayer, Semi Precious led a six-jam shutout and big jams by Ripper A. Part and Soul Rekker blew the lead up to 72-31. With 7 minutes remaining in the half, D.D.T. had captured a seventh-straight lead jam for Ottawa but was penalized as she tried to call off before the approaching Fannie Mayhem could hit the pack. Fannie Mayhem then avoided 3 straight hits off a Canadian waterfall and followed a great block by MILF-Shake to strike for 14. The following jam Tower O’Terror held back Ripper A. Part for three turns but the wall of Blackout Susan, Semi Precious, and Slavic Slayer was even better on Death Cake for Cutie who could not escape except to the sin bin and Ripper A. Part powerjammed back 13 points. The following jam began with great defense by Crushin’ Dior right off the whistle to keep Soul Rekker in check long enough for Death Cake for Cutie to return to play, capture lead jam, and win a 4-1 jam. Momentum was not for B-Unit to maintain however as D.D.T. slipped through a short-handed B-Unit pack for 10 points to end the half as the leopard-skinned twins ASSASSINista and Slavic Slayer made life miserable for McShovin. Ottawa led at the break 97-49.
B-Unit rolled into the second half knowing that a 48-point deficit was significant but not insurmountable. Unfortunately, Rideau Valley seemed able to elevate their game another notch with relentless blocking up until the final whistle each and every jam. Surgical Strike returned in the third jam of the second half to knock Death Cake for Cutie around as D.D.T. used her great quickness inside to score an amazing pure quadruple grand-slam. Soul Rekker followed up going untouched around the outside with 19 of her own as ASSASSINista from the sides and Semi Precious from the front leveled B-Unit skater after skater. D.D.T. sprung silently for another 11 to stretch the lead to 139-55. Three jams later, Fannie Mayhem forced a cut by D.D.T. to give Velvet Assassin, who had been the only B-Unit jammer to score in the second half, a chance to get some points back on a powerjam. But a back block reversed the advantage and with one quarter remaining, B-Unit sat a century back at 161-55.
Frustration began to set in with Pittsburgh as jammers and blockers, fighting for pride, found themselves penalized. Soul Rekker struck the weakened pack for 15 more unanswered points as Semi Precious and Screaming Meanie Massacre took turns dropping the remaining adversaries. A good block by MILF-Shake freed McShovin for only the third lead jam in 20 minutes but an accidental trip by MILF-Shake ended her scoring pass. Soul Rekker enjoyed the Vixens’ fifth powerjam in six jams to score 16 as ASSASSINista definitively took out Mission Impassible. D.D.T. continued her speedy attacks on the inside but a back block sent her off and Velvet Assassin absorbed multiple big hits by Drunky Brewster to earn 10 points on her own powerjam, more than the B-Unit had scored the first 25 minutes of the half. In the final jam, Death Cake for Cutie fired up the crowd and captured lead jam by a nose. Wham Bam Pam and Crushin’ Dior laid good hits on D.D.T. to win the jam 4-3 as time expired. Rideau Valley then hit the road home content with a decisive 212-71 turnabout victory.
The second bout brought all the excitement of a new league’s debut bout. Eerie Rollergirls came down from the Great Lake with lots of heart and enthusiasm and though they wound up losing by a lot, the score did not fully reflect how close much of the bout was. Case in point was the very first jam. High-scoring Blitzburgh Bombers jammer Inga Knee’Her found herself held up by Princess Larvae long enough for Hemorrhoidal Rage to bust through the pack and capture lead jam. Princess Larvae continued good defense and Yuma Target won second lead jam also and the score was tied at 6. The Bombers’ Tooth Fairy, Dakota Slamming, the Kraken, and Enemy Batterfly then got a strong wall together against Mad Flasher as her counterpart Whiskey Mick snuck through several times for a pure triple grand-slam. C.C. DeKill led the next jam’s defense with good hits on Yuma Target in the back as Inga Knee’Her slalomed to 6 points but also an inside track cut. Down 27-6, Meredeath Loosewheel toed the line for a powerjamming chance to narrow the gap but Lolli Pop! caught her at the last second in her initial pass and again in her second attempt and Inga Knee’Her was able to return and grab lead as the fourth whistle blew. Eerie’s Ginger Vixxxen then smacked a big hit on Vicious Virus who took out zebra Great Barrier Ref on the inside. But Dakota Slamming and Unsafe Tex absolutely controlled Mad Flasher on the inside and Cruisin’ B. Anthony scored another 15 points for Blitzburgh. The quick-paced bout saw Blitzburgh with a 46-6 first-quarter lead.
After several more low-scoring close jams, Inga Knee’Her pinballed through for an 8-0 jam and Cruisin’ B. Anthony followed with 14 of her own, shrugging off hits from Smash Bandi-Cute, Ginger Vixxxen, and Princess Larvae. Whiskey Mick and Unsafe Tex continued to execute an inside-controlling strategy while a bird-dogging Enemy Batterfly put multiple hits on the jammer. Overall, the Blitzburgh defense would shut out the Eerie skaters 23 out of 30 jams. Vicious Virus continued the great defensive work with forcing a Mad Flasher track-cut. In the resulting powerjam, Inga Knee’Her scored another 17 as Anni Banani found herself in a goat pen of Vicious Virus, Enemy Batterfly, and the Kraken. Ginger Vixxxen toed the jam line in the penultimate jam of the half, absorbing several hits by Hissy Fit and finding some success with 4 points to Cruisin’ B. Anthony’s 11, but she would not jam again in the bout. To end the half, Tooth Fairy put a nice deke move on the Eerie pivot and then took several punishing trips through the pack for 14 points to stretch the Blitzburgh lead to 115-12.
The story and score of the second half were virtually identical to the first with the Bombers controlling the pace easily and keeping it very fast. A minute in, Enemy Batterfly and Hissy Fit completely kept Yuma Target under wraps as Inga Knee’Her skated a great jam: first scoring 15 points and then joining in on the defense, forcing a finally-freed Yuma Target to “eat the baby” back into the pack. Tooth Fairy then fought her way past DeSEPTICon on a powerjam for 20 unanswered points as Dakota Slamming cleared the front wall for her, pass after pass. Naughty Professor’s good block on a jamming Enemy Batterfly forced a cut and earned a powerjam opportunity for Hemorrhoidal Rage whose tough inside skating was nixed by good defense by Cruisin B’ Anthony to kill the penalty. In the following jam, Eerie had another powerjam where Princess Larvae finally got some second-half points on the board, scoring 7 before Dakota Slamming forced her to cut and go to the box herself. Inga Knee’Her then took advantage of a solo start from the jam line, dodging Anni Banani on the inside and scoring 20 despite Eerie’s attempt to run the pack. With one quarter to go, Blitzburgh led 179-19.
Mad Flasher got on the scoreboard with a 3-point powerjam initiated by good defense by Hemorrhoidal Rage, with further damage controlled by the waterfalling Lolli Pop! and Vicious Virus. Whiskey Mick joined in for 12 points on the Blitzburgh lead jam parade which saw a Steel City skater in control for 13 of the 14 second-half jams. Enemy Batterfly then followed for 9, despite a strong never-say-die effort by Anni Banani that was bettered by the Kraken who kept Ballistic Betty in the pack for the full two minutes. After a defense-minded 9-point jam by Inga Knee’Her, Vicious Virus then grabbed lead thanks to a last-second block from Whiskey Mick on Hemorrhoidal Rage. Despite this, Hemorrhoidal Rage put up a great battle on her scoring pass to score 4 to Vicious Virus’s 8. The final two jams saw Ginger Vixxxen put a huge hit on Tooth Fairy only to see the tough little ping pong ball bounce through for another 10 points. Inga Knee’Her got ten of her own as Dakota Slamming, Lolli Pop!, Vicious Virus, and the Kraken kept up the waterfall that shut out Eerie the final 4 minutes. Despite the 237-26 learning experience, the potential for the new Erie squad’s future success was obvious to all in attendance.