by Michael Frighten’d

On a comfortable late Spring evening under a barely waning moon, the Steel City Derby Demons once again paired off into Black and Gold squads for a public scrimmage. Penalties seemed to dog the Black squad all evening as Gold took advantage for a decisive 213-53 victory at Romp ‘n’ Roll in Glenshaw. Three skaters new to Pittsburgh took to the hometown floor for the first time after transferring from other leagues: Penny Ante, formerly of the Naughty Pines Derby Dames in Laramie, Wyoming; Red Rumblur; and GroovyHott LoveyPants (aka G-Love) both from the Burn City Rollers of Alabama. The evening also gave derby fans a first glimpse of the largest Fresh Meat class in SCDD history.

The bout began with both teams’ blockers asserting control, not allowing a jammer out of the pack through the first four laps. Bonecrusher led the Black defense against Death Cake for Cutie as Friction Vixxxen did the same against the Shocker. Eventually the Shocker escaped for a 2-0 lead for Black. Mean Burrito, however, in the next jam netted 9 points for Gold for them to take a lead they would never relinquish. After the Gold lead stretched to 10, the Shocker almost got it even again with speedy outside moves and apex jumps against the Gold blockers. But Inga Knee’Her answered with a high-scoring powerjam, after withstanding good team blocking from Black’s the Crippler and Cheeseburger, whose time off due to illness seemed to have made her hungry for big hits. Still, Inga Knee’Her had stretched the lead back to 35-17, Gold.

Inna Gadda Da Beatcha’s inside line control and G-Love’s big hits continued the Gold domination of the pack. Then Mean Burrito found some open room to skate and the speedy Gold jammer whipped through the pack three times before being sat down by Bonecrusher. J-Bomb followed with 15 points of her own opening Gold’s lead to 72-25. Black blocker MILF-Shake put some great blocks on Friction Vixxxen as a 20-foot call freed the Shocker from a Gold front wall of Tooth Fairy, Busty Brawler, and the Maestro. The Shocker scored a few as did her fellow Black jammer, McShovin who came in on a scoring pass while her teammates Enemy Batterfly, Bonecrusher, the Crippler, and Cheeseburger waterfalled G-Love. The Black first-half scoring stopped there, at 31, however. Meanwhile, damage dahl eked out 9 for Gold, squeezing through a tight scrum and Cruisin’ B. Anthony ended the half with 4 more against a depleted Black pack. The half ended with Gold on top, 87-31.

For halftime, the Fresh Meat, clad in a variety of interesting costumes from Robin to a boxer to a pirate to Rainbow Brite to a zombie to Troy Polamalu to a pair of purple pants, took to the track for a Queen of the Hill grand melee. Skaters tried to take one another out, legally, while staying in bounds. After a few laps, it was down to only five of the rookie skaters who cautiously and strategically tried to remove their opponents without leaving themselves exposed. Suddenly the front three all found themselves on the ground in a tangle and River Kyx (the pirate) skated on one leg safely in bounds past the pile while her remaining rival, like an Imperial biker scout or Hazzard County deputy, crashed into the sudden obstacle. River Kyx was crowned and took a victory lap, the first of many for her and all of these skaters as they move up into teams next year and in the future.

Returning to the scrimmage, Black tried to start out with some momentum as Miss Ill broke up a 3-skater back wall to free the Crippler who raced to lead jammer but was called for a jumping block. Death Cake for Cutie then took advantage for a 17-point powerjam. The lead stayed the same for a few jams as Cheeseburger put several good, smart blocks on Gold’s jammers, knocking them out of bounds and then effortlessly sliding back in the pack to draw track cut penalties. McShovin then sought to get some points back for Black on a powerjam but ‘snot rocket science led a penalty-killing shutout until Death Cake for Cutie returned from the box, got lead jammer, a head of steam, and 5 points as McShovin went to the sin bin herself. damage dahl then continued the powerjam on the next jam, skating one-legged through a Vicious Virus hit for another 5 points. Mean Burrito then toed the line for the Black team, having switched sides during halftime, but found herself no longer treated so kindly by her former teammates J-Bomb and Inga Knee’Her as Cruisin’ B. Anthony stretched the Gold lead to 95 points.

Death Cake for Cutie continued an excellent second half, slaloming through the pack for 15 points while G-Love put the clamps on Hissy Fit, keeping her from escaping the pack except to the penalty box. ‘snot rocket science lined up alone and made short work of a front wall of Cheeseburger and Wham Bam Pam for two passes. But Wham Bam Pam got revenge on the third pass, knocking ‘snot rocket science for a loop, but not after the Gold jammer had added another 18 points. Waterfalling Gold blockers G-Love, J-Bomb, Mission Impassible, and Friction Vixxxen continued their dominating half where they would allow only 11 points through all but the last two jams. Cruisin’ B. Anthony, damage dahl, and Death Cake for Cutie (with a Star Pass to Tooth Fairy!) then took advantage of full Black penalty boxes to put the bout completely out of reach at 203-42. Never saying die, the Crippler put a great step move around damage dahl for a quick 2-0 jam for Black followed by the speedy Mean Burrito getting 9 more following a good block by Dakota Slamming. But in the final jam, J-Bomb put it away with a 10-point powerjam and the final score of 213-53.

Tweet